I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Randomize
