I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
