Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
