Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
