Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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