Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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