not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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