1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
