I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
