I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
