I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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