I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
