Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It's Friday. Sex?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
