ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
