There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
