I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i dont even know how to be here
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
