What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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