I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
...so i touched it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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