omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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