I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
