he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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