in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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