He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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