ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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