I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
