I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize