last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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