Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
