Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize