with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
there is puke in my bra ... again
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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