i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
