Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
