So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
