First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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