I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
