my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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