I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
