I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
