God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
