what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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