fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
