This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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