i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
