There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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