I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
