I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
accomplished twins. life is a go
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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