So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
