Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
