id be glad to
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
