No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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