wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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