I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
