is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
