Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
