apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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