Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
