i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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