I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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