Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
