Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
