I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
