So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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