yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
