you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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