So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
