she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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