so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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