Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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