you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
