just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
