If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My penis needs a shock collar
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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