I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
