Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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