suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
