My friends, they love my intelligence
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
