If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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