my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
