Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
