Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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