just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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