In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What a dumb baby whore.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
