So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
