I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
