he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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