Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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