Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
there was a trapeze. enough said
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Acid is not a monday night drug
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
