I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
