I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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