He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
