I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
