You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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