I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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