I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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